You’ll agree with me that in this generation, there are higher rates of unsuccessful marriages, heartbreaks, cheating partners and many more. All these happen because people don’t go after what is really best for them. People are more concern about the surface and outer appearance of people. These; can make one choose a wrong partner. This brings us to number one reason why people choose wrong partners.
Physical Attraction: Although we may be unlikely to admit that physical attraction is important to everyone. But women are undoubtedly attracted to good looking men. But then, is it good look you want in your relationship or do you want peace? You cannot eat your cake and have it.
I agree that some of these attractions to physically appealing parties may be unconscious and we may also be attracted to other quality which goes hand in hand with physical attractiveness such as personalities and more fulfilling life experience. However, if you are looking for long term stable relationship, it is advisable for women not to pursue highly attracted masculine men as they are more likely to be unfaithful to their partners.
Peer pressure is another reason people choose wrong partners. When the pressure is real. Society gives us terrible advices around our decision making for choosing a life partner. We are bombarded with pictures and relationship goals on social media. Of people we don’t even know. Leaving us feeling like we are behind in life. We are indoctrinated to the belief that we have to find a life partner before we are too old. This depending on where you are from could be anywhere from age 21 to 35. This is so wrong!
These pressures lead many to settle for partners they know in the long run are wrong for them. This stupid mentality is so common among Nigerians. Where you see families and friends asking you why you are not dating or rather when you’ll bring the right guy. They start to compare you to your age mates or younger colleagues who are married. Like, I don’t understand, should you date because they want you to or because you feel you’ve seen the right guy? You need to understand that you are choosing your life partner, someone who will have influence on your children, someone you are willing to share your life experiences with. Trust me you don’t want to choose just anyone.
Our number 3 reason people choose wrong partners can be because of Financial Status. At some point in our lives, we women feel it’s safe to choose someone who is doing well financially. It is a good thing to want a good future for you and the kids, we all want our children to live comfortably and not lack. Financial stability should be a plus. Say, one of the reasons but not all the reasons. I know some of us have a list of what we want in our man. Tall, rich, God fearing and the likes. I have a list of about 15 things I want in my man and money isn’t one. I mean, how could I have forgotten about money? But do I want a poor man? Hell no! I just would choose a number of things before financial status. This is not to say it is wrong to consider financial status when choosing a partner but it should not be the major reason you are considering that person.
Blind Love: blind love is another thing we consider a reason people choose wrong partners. They are things like red flags and you keep hoping your partner would change, hoping the red flags will go away or they aren’t as bad as they appear. (You know that fine print that’s on every card side view mirror? ‘Objects in mirror are closer than they appear”). Negative traits are far bigger than they appear to be in the first 3 months of dating someone.
Oh! I love him but he cheats, I know he’ll change when we start having kids and he feels more responsible.
No! He is not going to change. Stop trying to make people change. Especially your partners, it never works. If they are not willing to change on their own, no one can make them change. Same thing goes for a lady who is hyper social, but you hope she will change when you marry her and she starts bearing kids. I mean she has to look after the right? Don’t be deceived. Trust me; you don’t want your wife giving birth in a club house.
Finally, people choose partners because they are afraid of being alone. In this case, the fear comes along with doing whatever it takes to avoid staying alone. It may lead you into a relationship where you have not real feelings for the other person at all but, you believe that something is still better than nothing and at least someone is paying attention to you.
We let people in into our lives just because it makes us feel happy that they want us back and then we think it through if it makes any sense.
There’s not need to be confused, trust me. There are lots of things you can do when you are bored. There are self-development programs you can attend, volunteering you can partake in, online courses and DIYs you can learn, indoor games you can play and more. All theses you can do without spending much. It goes on and on.
Also try to talk to people around you when decision making proofs difficult. Thanks for reading.